In our society, if you are a healthy person and you are talking to someone who you don’t think is sick, asking “How are you?” is a very common and innocuous thing to ask. People usually give (and people usually expect) positive answers to that question.

In my experience, this dynamic seems to change when people know you have a serious, fatal disease. They stop asking how you are. It’s like they know that you are not fine and fear your answers and fret over how they should respond. So, they don’t ask.

For me, I’ll tell you what I’d like. Go ahead and ask. And maybe I’ll drop a few uncomfortable details about how things are going for me. Honestly, being a dying woman is a lonely affair and it’s kinda nice to be able so share out some struggles from time to time.

But here’s the thing. You don’t have to say that you’re sorry, tell me everything will be OK, or even try to solve my problem. You can just listen. If you want to go the extra mile, you could simply tell me that you’re glad that I’m here today. The medications that I take every day for this disease aren’t fun and sometimes I question whether it’s worth it. So, if those around me can remind me from time to time that they are happy to have me in their life, that’s super valuable to me.

Metastatic breast cancer doesn’t have a specified timetable for me so I’m grateful for every additional day I have. When someone tells me that they appreciate me being in their life, that means the world to me. So, please, ask me how I am and if it’s not too much to ask, let me know that I matter to you.