I get it. There’s a certain visual that many people expect when you say you have cancer and I don’t fit the expectation. I’m not bald, though I do have hair in the shower drain every day, and hair that has the texture of straw. I don’t look emaciated. I’ve actually gained over 15 pounds due to being thrown into menopause and having my metabolism go ice cold as a result of my medications. So, I’ve heard “But you don’t look sick” when I’ve shared that I have metastatic breast cancer.

For most people, the “metastatic” part means nothing. They just hear “breast cancer” and automatically think I’m in chemotherapy and that at some point, treatment will be over and I’ll be “cured”

But there is no end to treating this disease. No “treatment complete” celebration. Managing this disease is a marathon and  I’m at the beginning of the race. I’m lucky that I can still work and maintain a pretty active lifestyle.  My tumors are on my liver and I don’t feel any effects from them.

I do take a cocktail of drugs everyday. Two pills to fight the cancer, one pill to manage the hot flashes from the medications and early menopause, and one pill to manage the high blood pressure from the weight gain. Once a month I get a shot in my belly to keep my ovaries quiet and not producing estrogen. I have blood draws a couple times a month and PET/CT scans every 2-3 months. This is all just the routine maintenance of the disease to keep me going.

Though the cancer doesn’t affect me, the medications do. I have hot flashes, hair drying out and falling out, and gastro issues that I won’t go into detail on. Towards the end of each Ibrance cycle, I am more tired as my white and red blood cell counts are at their lowest point.

So, although I “don’t look sick”, I am sick. Someday, cancer will most likely kill me. I’d love for those around me to skip the “you’ll beat this” speak and just be aware of the marathon I’m running and that there’s usually more to someone’s situation than meets the eye.